When you are high

Your mantle of crimson gold,
gentle lion’s face, my face to hold
falls like a petal from a late flower
when you are high

beneath, a dulled look
a special smile for me
- to reflect
when you are high

the open book
the glitter between us
seems hopelessly feigned
when you are tame and high

I babble my silly self
strike sheets of metal,
rivets, bolts, keyless
and you are high

defenses engage
questions twisted to labyrinths
turning me away
when you’re high

I'm patient and still
butterfly land,
please be with me
but –

I recede and bear,
close into myself,
forgetting to leave
when you are high

watch me, my patterns
hand reaching forward
should take myself out
and you are high

I needn’t do this again. Not again.

The sacred door
which opened through you
the rushing of rivers
no it was real

The space you held
when we reached love,
how I healed
that was real too

nose against mouth
quiet scream
brushed ear
I want - to stay real

your tender clasp
and patience through
my panic and stops
was real sweet

- was real

For me if not you
you said you grew
but how
for you what was real

The fantasies I fought
to see you despite them
the strength that I find
my hard work is real


I fear moving forward
to find when it was truly
even then, there, that -
you were not there

I recoil, recollect,
reconstruct me
into new things again
again



It’s not you, it's not me
It's bacteria
the back of my throat.

when I am high
I take things personally
not like you
not you

when I am high
I still fight to the clear
not like you
not you

your escape to beauty
your beauty diminished
I fall down to my dreaming

and you,

are too high.

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